I was following the signs like I’ve been doing before. Carefully watching the way it was pointing, then looking ahead and then with confidence I marched on. Repeating the ritual at each crossroad at each moment the signs were present.

But then it happened I had gone through the ritual, checked/ read carefully what was given to me and walked on but at the next crossroads there were no signs anymore, no indication?
The last sign had I was sure pointed this way... ok there are always two sides of the road and I had been walking on just one of them not checking the other. Did I misread, did I miss something, but I was sure... This wasn’t the first time this happened, a moment in time where I was left to my own devices. So I went on 2, 3, 4 crossroads had passed with no signs and I was becoming anxious maybe I really did miss something so I set a target if there isn’t a sign by that point there I’ll go back. I got to the point and nothing... I looked, turned, looked again, nothing... But I was sure the sign pointed in this direction taking me to over there like I had imagined it would. I was sure from this point it would go further that way and surely an indication would be here... But there was nothing... Was this the end? Was this it? Is this where it all fell apart this great path I had decided to walk upon, it can’t be...

With a low moral but still with plenty of energy I decided to retrace my steps to where I had seen the last sign but on the other side of the path keeping a watchful eye on the side I had initially walked on just in case I missed the obvious. But no nothing, I returned to the last sign and it still indicated the way I had come from.

Maybe it was that other path I could see so I checked it out but again there were no further indications. Thinking about it again there was now ay that the sign indicated this way. It was the other there was no mistake maybe I should persevere a bit longer or maybe try an alternative to where I thought the path would lead me in the first place. So I returned took a side path and walked towards the point that I thought it would take me anyway and although an alternative road I will find the path with the next sign. But again nothing... From this point I could see however where I had decided to return and decided to go back there and keep on going the direction the initial sign had pointed out.

In the meanwhile I seemed to have gone through all the emotions and also started to contemplate other options as what if this was the end? I surely wasn’t going to make it the end of me. I wanted to go on and I had seen other signs on the path that I could follow instead. It would take me on another path with another destiny but to that I’m no stranger.
And when I really thought of changing lanes, when I had given up all hope on the one I was walking... a new sign... indicating straight ahead. Having been through all the emotions, having nearly made up my mind to change and take another path... then there it was.
So I buried all interim plans and walked on with a new profound strength and belief. I had been tested. Straight away I found the next sign and the one after that, the signs followed very quickly one after the other then when I was back in full march it ended. I had arrived at paths end. I had arrived at my destiny. Suddenly it was over I had done it. The path had taking me not at all where I thought it would take me. I wasn’t prepared but there it was.

This entry in my diary dd. 9th April 07 depicts a 1km stretch on a walk in Brussels. In the last year I had noticed in several streets that on the pavement a bronze scallop shell was placed. I've walked a part of the camino de Santiago and these were the signs I had followed for three weeks and thought this might be indicating the Brussels path so I decided to expolore where the signs would take me. It turned out that it was as inspiring as the real thing...

A thought came over me today but before I can go into that I need to tell the story leading to this.

A simple story really , I met a woman and nearly straight away felt aware that I actually liked her. So arranged to meet up again where we could talk more one to one... Yes I liked her even more but also felt that there was something not adding up. As I am much for the liberty of what people want to convey or not I didn’t want to press the matter further. We met a third time and again felt she was not telling the full story, or the story I wanted to hear... yes I’m free and available and I like you too... Instead it was more a non verbal transmission of yes I like you but... there was a but...

This situation drove me a bit around the bend as I was in a dilemma: my feelings, the feel around it, that what was lying on my heart opposed to I leave the person at liberty to tell me in their time their story...

So I did transmit my dilemma and got the answer I had figured out, she is with someone and yes I do cause confusion so she wrote...

So I answered: “Now that the cards are open, the framework set and I 
know what to expect or not to expect I still want to continue in that 
discovery. That is if you want to and if that doesn't cause any 
trouble on whatever level.”

She’s taken, in Love (I hope) and I need to let go on the affection side.

“Confusion” it is not the first time that I cause this feeling within a woman to whom I woo...

The last time I caused this feeling I also discovered why but as this is a too recent situation I can not tell yet if it is for the same reason.

But now the thought...

Did you ever see the film Before Surise with Ethan Hawke (Jesse) and Julie Delpie (Celine)? There is a scene near the end of the film where they're in the park night is falling they only met a few hours earlier but there is an energy, attraction between them that is overwhelming both. They have been cuddling, kissing, talking philosophy of life... But how far should they go knowing that the next day they will each go their own way and maybe they never see or meet up again. So Celine says I think we shouldn't sleep together... She says but you could see that the body language tells a different story, also the eyes say I don't mean that really... So he answers sure, whatever you think is right... (and some more talk justifying not doing it) but you could see she is disappointed, you see that she wants him to talk her into doing it. She wants to make Love to him, she wants him to take her... She wants him to be a 'man' not a pussy... As if he really wants me, if he really thinks I'm the end of the world to him then he will fight for me...

Translate that into my/the story of Confusing... I confuse but then I do not strike... I say Ok baby whatever, you're taken, I was too late, sorry... Lead your life and I hope you'll be happy, I'm here if you need me...

Do I fight, no...

Do I do everything in my power to convince the confused person, no...

So what am I to her?

I don't even put up a fight... What must she think...: "Well if he's like this now will he ever take my defense or stand up for me?"

What is she to me if I don't put up a fight?

Oh my God ...---... ...---... ...---...

The dream has come true. What started out 6 years ago as a nearly impossible task I've positively concluded yesterday and how...

When I hit 29 I had become a hopeless, depressive and unhappy wonderer with no aim. I had a little shop that wasn't running well, financially I was on the ground and in my head the words spooked: "is this it"? Is this what life is for me? Because if it is I don't want to continue... I had hit the lowest  point.
It was the local Chemist who I had made friends with who suggested to go and see an astrologer she had met at a seminar. I didn't believe in this but trusted my friend in her judgment and called for an appointment.
In three session with the astrologer I had been given the keys to life, to my life, and no she did'nt foretold the future what she  did was give n me keys with which I had to find myself again, find my individual profile... In three sessions of two hours and lots of home(self)work  I discovered things in me  I  never had done anything with... I was living life the the drum of the beat of others and not to my beat and not with my instruments.
Logical of mind  (virgo ascendant virgo for those who know something about the virgo sign) I concluded if  I put the talents that I've discovered to possess into daily life, a job then I  happiness must be a result as  I'm living according to  my higher/deeper self.
So when the astrologer gave me as a last task to create my future with the question describe what your day-week looks like in ten years time I wrote I wanted to be a therapist, developer, teacher... and wrote down how I sow me filling my day...
But I was far away from being anything like that, I had no clue of therapy, nor teaching, and develop what?
The next step was to find out in which field I would do all of this and it as again the local chemist that proved to play an important role. As she invited me to join her to a seminar on kinesiology. An hour into the seminar I thought that's it that is what I want to do and enrolled myself into a course. The rest is history, well not really as after a year of several courses I had an urge to want more. Kinesiology is ok but I wanted more knowledge of the human body... So I went back to the astrologer and her husband (Doctor in training at the time) who had become friends. I wanted to know what it was like to train as a doctor. financially it was nearly impossible for me but if that was my path i would find a solutions. They advised against it but suggested two things Chinese medicine or osteopathy.  I chose the latter as I found that I didn't really live into the Chinese spirit.
With a made up mind it was the challenge to find a way to study this art, to find a school to accept me with no prior medical background. After a few months it was my osteopath who found out that one of his colleagues was setting up a school in Brussels, right at my doorstep so to speak. I wrote a letter of motivation and was excepted... A miracle... I heard from the secretary that not all agreed that I attended the school but I was given a chance.
Now nearly 6 years later I passed all my exams with distinction and a comment of the jury that during the last few years they've had their doubts but that I proved (in the exam yesterday) that I had managed to put myself on the same hight as my colleagues and they congratulated me with that what I had managed to achieve. I've been able to turn around the skeptics and yes I'm proud and I'm not afraid to say so out loud...
The key to this success even though it has come with great sacrifices as I am financially at the ground, on a relationship level I'm still single, I'm 36 and still have to start to build up security and stability... but the  key to happiness and an inner calm what it has brought after all is that this part started out understanding my blueprint, my make up... The rest was just following the guidelines presented... taking the hands offered and checking them to the blueprint does this hand take me to my goal? Is this hand part of me - the" I " in me? It is not always a conscious choice but it seems this evaluation has always been there. And yes it has been difficult many times I wanted to give up. But with the blueprint and the goal i had a map of reference to look back at. When I was at the deepest point I could look back at these two and say where am I? Am I still on the path what have I achieved so far am I still making progress? Even at the highest peak when I have to chose the next mountain (see blog mountain peaks) also then these two were valuable to decide where to go next.
So what now, now the backpack has been taken of the load has fallen off, the goal has been reached, a miracle has again presented... Now it is time for vertical rising and to fulfill the next part of the dream I set out to accomplish to make a career, to get out there and put those hands to good use around the globe... and to get my teeth into my research on the magic of H2O.

To be continued... a whole life long

Life works out a pattern on the tappestry of time.
The threads of hope, of love and grief, of fear and faith sublime,
of happiness and bitterness, of joy and misery,
are stitiched into the great design of human destiny.

Within so vast a frame, our tiny path we cannot see.
Too close we stand to trace the pattern on the tappestry.
But someday, looking from afar, perhaps we shall behold
our little bit of the design; our own small thread of gold.

(Patience Strong)